In the Long Run

I was indignant when I saw the packet in the mailbox. “What?! They are not even asking us if we will participate? They are demanding?!” I marched into the house, and self-righteously showed my husband the Nielsen TV ratings packet. “Look at this. Just because we’ve done it before…how many times…two….three? They think we are now beholden to complete their survey whenever they feel like sending it to us!”

“I told them on the phone that we’d do it.” My husband didn’t even look up as he replied to my ranting. My jaw dropped as I rolled my eyes and sighed long-sufferingly. “All right…all right… Then YOU are going to have to fill it out.”

Those sneaky Nielsens. If you are ambivalent about keeping their television log for a week, they cunningly send you on a guilt trip, or an ego trip, until they gain your consent. What?! You don’t feel privileged to be one of the elite few chosen, out of the millions possible, to participate? And how could you pass up the opportunity to make a difference in the television industry, by helping form the ratings that actually make or break the shows that all America watches?! This is as American as apple pie, this is trend-setting power, …this is HISTORY!

After you’ve been sucked in, and it’s too late to back out, (since you’ve spent the measly ONE DOLLAR BILL that they send you as an incentive to complete the project—are they SERIOUS??! That’s insulting!) you begin to realize that this is not really your chance to make a difference. It’s the Nielsens’ chance to be a nuisance. They insist that you fill out their TV logs, or diaries, as they call them, with painstaking detail—what family member of what sex and what age and what education level, watched what TV in which room on what channel for how long. (I think there might even be a column that asks you to list what food you snacked on while you watched; maybe that statistic is for “The Biggest Loser” or something?!)

When we had filled out the diaries a few years ago, I religiously followed their directions, and nagged my family until we logged every last minute of TV watched, from Nova (my husband) to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (younger sons). But this year I was rebellious. I didn’t want to be helpful. In fact, I had the urge to poison the pot.

One of the Nielsen rules requires recording television programs in the log if a family member watches for 5 minutes or longer. On one occasion I watched nearly 45 minutes of TV, but watched just less than 5 minutes on each of about nine different channels, thus negating the obligation to write down any of it! I felt so powerful. And on Saturday morning, I watched kids’ shows: “Phil of the Future” and “Trading Spaces: Boys vs Girls”. “This will really skew the results,” I snickered. Finally, I purposely didn’t watch several programs that I might normally watch, just because I didn’t want to trouble myself to keep track of them. My behavior was as un-American as the Black Sox Baseball scandal. Say it ain’t so, Cyppy!

Maybe during our Nielsen week I should have stuck to my regular viewing habits; maybe I should have studiously recorded everything that I watched; and maybe I should have played fairly by the Nielsen rules. But next time, I won’t let the Nielsens connive or bully us into servitude for a week. We’ve done our patriotic duty in the vast wasteland enough times. I will make my statement to the television industry by simply turning off the television and not watching at all.

Posted by Cyppy at 8:07 AM